Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
