you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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