Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need water and some morals
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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