If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
