shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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