is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
