ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
