I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
