Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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