I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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