the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
