So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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