I want to stick my p in your. b.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
