I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
