we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
