you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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