I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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