It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
