i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
