is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
