I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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