I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
