how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
