I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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