Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
