The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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