Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
