Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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