Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
