I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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