there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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