Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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