I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
