I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
