nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
