so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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