so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
