Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
