The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
