My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
