I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
