the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
