She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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