Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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