you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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