i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We had sex on a dog bed..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
