I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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