you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
