I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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