Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
